“A Smell of Wine and Cheap Perfume.” (Journey, 1981).

According to Stephen Chbosky in “The Perks of Being a Wallflower,” “we accept the love we think we deserve.” But what exactly is love? Is it the same for everyone? As a woman, as a product of my generation’s media and as a literature student, I’ve read and watched too many “love stories” through romanticised circumstances that float off the pages and into my brain. I’m not naïve and my “standards/expectations” are far from unreasonable. I WANT IT ALL. I WANT IT NOWWWW. (Terms and conditions apply).

Club Can’t Handle Me.

Last month I went to Canada and I FINALLY got to go clubbing after months on end. (This is what brought this whole post on). It made me think about how people meet. I have met so many people through nights out in the past, but on reflection, when it comes to the ‘L’ word (love not lesbian) did it really make a difference? Granted I met people, but are they still blowing up my phone now? No. Are we still in contact? No, but you do float past my eyes on my Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat feed once in a while. I met people standing on both sides of the bar in the past year or so and my social life was fantastic. I love meeting people and getting to know them. They’re new and unspoiled. An unread book. A potential masterpiece to my life. The more people I meet however, the more I question a statement a good friend recently stated. Should you waste your time crushing on someone you know deep down is not going to be in your life long term? A part of me loves the game (to quote Taylor Swift in “Blank Space”) but overall, I’m really bored of the game. Can I just have my prize and leave now please? “Nobody wins when everyone’s losing,” in the words of Theory of a Deadman’s “Not Meant To Be.”

Don’t wanna be an “American Idiot.”

The “love game” is another story across the ocean. It’s literally been a new kettle of fish for me. I’ve been on what I would call “dates” with a few Americans and they were nice, I guess you could say. *And another one gone, and another one gone, Another one bites the dust!* They’re a lot harder to figure out, especially when there are blurred lines (all these unintentional pop references…) between “hanging out” and “this is a date.” I’m no fool. I’m really not. I read people well.Eye contact and gesture codes is everything with humans (A Level media student, got an A). That’s “listening to what isn’t said.” Yet in the might USA it’s almost like a “job interview,” as I read on BBC America. Don’t expect to know where you stand! LIKE EVER!  I “dated” one person (English equivalent of “seeing someone,” in my eyes anyway) and I can’t even explain what it was about them that I liked. I can’t even explain the way that I left my morals “Standing in the Dark” (great tune by Lawson, btw) because I liked them/the idea of them so much. I thought I’d scored this amazing goal only to realise I’d been offside the whole time. *Another one bites the dust!* The sickening “Cinderella syndrome” as Radhika and I refer to it, (believing that a boyfriend/girlfriend will make you happy and dissolve all your other problems) has enforced its way into my heart and mind. The absence of having several “best friends” to occupy my floating mind is why I have been feeling this. But nothing lasts forever therefore I’m not worried about it .*Dearest reader, pray do put your violin away!* I agree with Charlotte in “Sex and The City:” “Maybe our girls are our soul mates and guys are just people to have fun with.” I think looking at the current divorce rates that this statement stands true, and no, it doesn’t make me blue! “Sisters before misters.”

Turning Tables.

Getting to know someone is like peeling an onion. When people start throwing the “L word” (love not lesbian) around too soon, I recoil, like Chandler in friends at the word “relationship” and the panic he demonstrates on his wedding day. Yet in all fairness, if someone feels strongly for you, shouldn’t you just “know?” If “actions speak louder than words” then all the “little things” (oh hey 1D) should, in reality, help you solve your own questions. Hearing those three words should technically be the “icing on the cake“; a mon avi. Sometimes the chase is better than the catch. And if that’s the case it’s because, to quote the very cute Candian Michael Bublé, you “haven’t met them yet.” Whilst I’m a definite sucker for a pretty face, a sense of humour, golden personality and ambition are key things for me (and not smoking). See THIS is the problem with being a girl (I’ve found)- we romanticise it all in our heads. However, “Big girls don’t cry” and I certainly haven’t done that on this side of the Atlantic. I don’t have a “type” but I do have preferences; I guess you could say. I believe that having “a type” is like baking a cake and continually forgetting the same vital ingredient, whilst being completely aware of making the same mistake. What I’ve learnt is this: Everyone in your life has an expiry date- so don’t hold on too tight to something intangible. Everyone in your life will show you their true colours- so don’t be upset with yourself if it doesn’t work out in your favour. Everyone in your life has been placed there to give you a lesson– so don’t resit the lesson once you’ve learned it. After all, “it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never have loved at all.” Love is definitely linked to self-esteem. Otherwise, why else would we “accept the love we think we deserve?” Everything happens for a reason and every cloud has a silver lining. And it’s all to do with timing!

I hope for you dear reader, that in the matters of the heart- the odds will “be ever in your favour.”


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